October 14

A year ago today was Kieran's surgery.

Interesting that although that day was in the top-2-worst-days-of-my-life, I didn't actually think of that anniversary for the first couple of hours that I was awake this morning.  It really just hit me now.  That was an intensely unbearable day of incredible fear and tension, as we waited for nine and a half hours to hear that it went well and that he was doing fine.

In the weeks leading up to the operation, I was seized by a mammoth-sized dread.  Kieran and I have always been wondrously connected; in retrospect it seems that my dread was based on some sort of deep knowing where this surgery would lead him.

That same deep connection that we had is perhaps also the reason that I could so clearly feel his spirit's expansion on the day that he died, and that on the next day I was miraculously blessed to so inexplicably yet clearly receive these words from him as if his spirit was loudly and joyously exclaiming: "The only thing that is real is love; all the rest is made up".

These words have been the guiding principle of my movement through the last twelve months, and I will share more around that process in future posts.